My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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