I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
