the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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