I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
