The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
being pregnant is like rehab
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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