i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
