It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
