Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
