i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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