I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
