my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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