i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
