She announced her abortion via fbk
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
