I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
