she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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