So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
