She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
