have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
