From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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