My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
