capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
