The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
