I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
