I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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