so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
