She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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