did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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