If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Randomize