i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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