This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
