u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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