Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
this hospital has no fireball
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
