pop tarts are not kleenex
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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