Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
