If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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