so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
