Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
