sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
