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• (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.

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• (408): View more from California

  How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Just got motor boated by a horse in the street

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• (940): View more from Texas

  This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.

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• (559): View more from California

  You stopped loving me for a minute.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.

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