I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
