Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The adults are the big ones right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
