U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
