I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
