I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
