she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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