What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
