Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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