just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize