hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
