Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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