I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
