just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
