i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
