you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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