Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
