do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
