This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
