Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
