doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
