all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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