my phone needs a breathalizer
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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