dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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