Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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