VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
