i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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