Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
