remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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