CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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