Umm I'm too high to move.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
