were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
