I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
