From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
