Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
