She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
